Running From the Sun
by LilyTheNinjaGirl
Summary: A oneshot about what happened on the Statesman in between Ragnorak and Thanos' arrival. Gives a deeper look into Loki's mind and actions throughout the MCU, has hurt/comfort, and platonic Thorki. Originally inspired by a fanart of Loki bandaging his own wounds and then it gained a lot of depth. Includes a lot of sun analogies for obvious reasons.


_A/N: After having only seen a Marvel movie or two in my lifetime, I decided to binge all 21 the few weeks before Endgame and then I watched Endgame. Anyway, my life is ruined now. I'm lowkey obsessed with Loki (see what I did there) and you can expect more Marvel content from me soon. Enjoy this oneshot! It was originally inspired by this fanart of Loki trying to bandage his own wounds which gave me feels: /I66imy5wr6gst4 and then it turned into something with a little more depth. Feel free to leave reviews because I'm a little rusty right now and I'd love feedback!_

**Running From The Sun**

After the Statesman took flight and effectively escaped the fury of Ragnorak, the chaos continued. People were frantically trying to find spouses, siblings, and friends. Children who had lost their parents in the scuffle were crying and trying to avoid getting trampled while their frantic mothers rushed about calling their names.

Thor was in no position to help his people. He had multiple stab wounds to the chest and a missing eye. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping him on his feet at that point and it was quickly running out. Heimdall helped Thor get to a private room and set him on the bed, checking the god over briefly before disappearing to try and help sort out the chaos. Thor sat on the bed, helpless. His bones felt like lead and he was struggling to keep his one remaining eye open.

Bruce soon joined him, urging Thor to remove his armor so that Bruce could cleanse and bandage his wounds. Thor did so, following instructions without a word. He felt numb. He had lost his hammer, his father, his home. So many of his people had lost their husbands and fathers when Hela had slaughtered the soldiers. Thor shuddered at the thought and finally mustered the will to speak.

"How are they?"

Bruce paused from wrapping gauze around Thor's torso. "Your people? Still panicking and grief stricken. Loki has things mostly under control. Heimdall and Valkyrie are helping him."

"Loki….. He's helping the people?"

"They seem to respect him. Heimdall is mostly helping people find their lost family because of his Sight. They are currently assigning families to cabins and trying to find the best way to make sure that everyone has a place to sleep. Loki said we will meet later to sort out how long our food and supplies will last and where the best place to stop for more will be."

Thor chuckled. "I never thought Loki would be the one taking initiative while I was the one hiding away."

"Maybe it's because you never really let him." Heimdall's low voice startled both men. Bruce taped down the last piece of gauze and stepped back.

"I don't know what I can do about that eye, Thor. Sterilizing the wound will hurt quite a bit. I'm not this kind of doctor, I don't know how to deal with it."

Thor clapped a hand on Bruce's shoulder. "You have done more than enough, friend Banner. Heimdall, how are the Asgardians settling in?"

"We have everyone sorted out for the night. I would advise giving a night of rest and figuring out what to do in the morn. There are some wounded. Minor wounds, but I was wondering if you could attend to them?"

"Of course," Bruce responded. "I'll go immediately." He picked up the weird Sakaraan medical supplies he had found in a closet on the ship and left the room. Heimdall watched and Thor watched silently, neither one of them breathing a word.

"Where is Loki?" Thor asked.

"I do not know," Heimdall admitted.

"You cannot see him?"

"Loki has been hiding himself from my sight for years. I've no doubt it is subconscious by now."

"Mmmh." Thor simply made a humming noise in response. "I suppose it would not be unlike him to simply disappear again."

Heimdall sighed deeply. "I wish I could tell you that you are wrong. Although unless he has even more powers we are unaware of, Loki has no way to leave the ship."

"Then I will find him." Thor stood immediately, grimacing as his bruised ribs smarted. Heimdall placed on a hand on his shoulder.

"I do not think it wise for you to be moving around so much. You need to rest. You can go find Loki later, or I will find him for you."

"You don't understand!" Thor persisted. "Loki has done his part. He has helped the Asgardians, and now he has slunk off where he will undoubtedly start questioning his entire life's purpose all over again and if left unattended he will either do something extremely rash or simply disappear."

"Thor, I think you are over thinking things-"

"You don't understand!" Thor roared. His exhaustion and the stress of battle ultimately made him over emotional and very touchy. He had always been fiery and hot-natured but in times of weakness he was particularly easy to upset. "All my life I didn't think! I didn't think about how I treated Loki, about how the things that I did and the things that I _didn't_ do affected him! I've only now begun to wake up and start thinking for myself. I won't let him run from me again and try to find himself somewhere else!"

"I don't think speaking to your brother while you are this emotional is a good idea."

"We haven't had a conversation without high tempers in years."

Heimdall was clearly growing frustrated. "Yes, and that's clearly worked out so well for you in the past. Please Thor, as your advisor and as someone who knows both you and Loki, I beg you to rest."

Thor eventually gave in. The unsteadiness of his legs and pounding of his head almost forced the decision upon him. "Very well, I will rest and find my brother in the morning. Please just leave me alone." Heimdall nodded and exited the chamber. Thor sighed and stormed over to the mirror across the room. He stared at his reflection, sighing. Scrutinizing.

"It suits you." A quiet voice stated. Thor wasn't even surprised that he hadn't heard Loki enter. Years of pranks had taught the God of Mischief how to have light feet even without magic. Thor huffed, waiting for some sort of insult to follow. Loki rarely gave a genuine compliment unless it was followed by a harsher statement.

Thor turned to face his estranged younger sibling. "Well maybe you're not so bad after all brother."

"Maybe not." Loki smirked softly. Thor shifted the diamond shaped wine-stopper from one hand to the other before turning his eyes to meet Loki's again.

"If you were here I might even give you a hug," he chuckled, tossing the wine-stopper at Loki fully expecting it to sail right through the illusion. Instead, Loki held up a hand and Thor heard the soft sound of the glass hitting flesh as he caught it deftly.

"I'm here."

Thor couldn't help but smile softly. He glanced back in the mirror, trying to decide whether hugging Loki would help or if it would freak his brother out. Decision made, he turned to hug the Trickster and found nothing but a solid wall to greet him. Loki had departed as quickly as he had come. Thor finally allowed his shaky legs to rest as he collapsed upon the bed, letting out a groan. He knew there was no point in chasing him right now.

Thor wished he could travel back in time and start over. He wished he could change the way he acted and the way he treated people. He would have spent more time with his mother. He would have listened to the advice of his father more often. He would have treated Loki better. Now he had no chance of reckoning with his mother and father. But Loki, his precious brother, was still with him. However, Thor had no clue how to begin to undo the damage that he and Odin had caused in Loki and the damage that Loki had caused in himself.

The God of Thunder would have stayed up all night worrying and pondering but his brain was slowly shutting down but by bit. It only took a few minutes before he was in a deep sleep, completely dead to the world around him.

###

Loki leapt into action as soon as the doors of the ship closed and started steering away from the flames of Ragnorak. With Heimdall and Valkyrie at his side, he focused all of his attention upon sorting out the absolute chaos around him. Being the God of Mischief, one would assume that Loki enjoyed chaos. But Loki was only fond of chaos when he was the one in charge of it all. Controlled chaos is the term one might use. Uncontrolled chaos was something Loki despised, even feared.

Ragnorak had never been part of the plan. It was almost cruel how the universe managed to take everything away from Loki. When he had fallen from the Void into Thanos' grasp, where he was beaten and mind-controlled by the Chitauri, he had steered Thanos in the direction of earth to keep the Titan away from Asgaurd. After the Dark World, Loki had taken the throne under Odin's guise in order to better protect Asgaurd. He knew Thanos. He knew his plans. He knew what he was capable of.

Thor's return was honestly something he should have been better prepared for. The people of Asgaurd didn't seem terribly surprised to discover that their king was actually their long-lost criminal prince. His rule brought years of peace and prosperity to Asgaurd and the Asgaurdian people seemed to remember and respect that. He supposed that was why none of them complained as he issued orders as to where everyone should go and how to sort through the mess.

Loki cursed himself for not realizing Hela was a threat. A part of the grand puzzle he had in his head. Spending so much time in the library as a child and a young adult (and being able too use sorcery to sneak books from forbidden sections) he had read plenty of myths about Hela. He assumed they were just that – myths. He cursed himself for his shortsightedness now.

When most of the Asgaurdian families were situated in living quarters and the worst of the wounded had been attended to, Loki let himself slip away. He found a supply closet on one of the very lower levels of the ship. This level had no rooms, just areas for storage so he was relatively isolated. He let himself slump against the wall and slide down it until he was in a sitting position.

Loki had sacrificed so much to protect Asgaurd and he was the one who released Ragnorak and destroyed it. This was his fault. If only he had seen it. He knew there was a little bit of truth in every myth. He should have known. He should have been prepared. He would have been able to find a way to beat Hela. Maybe even pit Hela and Thanos against each other and allow them to destroy each other. What a grand idea.

They may have defeated Hela, but there was no defeating the Mad Titan. Loki knew that. When he had first come to Midgaurd he had hoped that his petty threat would give the humans a reason to up their security. He messed around with the Avengers and made sure they got to the point where they all sorted out their issues. He basically assembled them himself. And let them defeat him! But last time he checked in on Midgaurd the heroes had dis-assembled themselves over a petty squabble. Midgaurd was doomed. The entire universe was doomed.

Loki thought he had it all figured out. The puzzle pieces had all been placed. All of his actions ever since he had fallen from the Bifrost had a huge over-arching plan attached to them.

And it was all falling apart.

Much like the City of Asgaurd, Loki's plan was in flames. The puzzle pieces had been scattered. He didn't even know what image he was supposed to be trying to build anymore. Everything was burning, burning, burning and very soon it would be ash. Nothing can grow in ash.

He didn't know how to face Thor. He didn't want to have to tell Thor. He didn't want to tell his brother, who had just lost so much, that Thanos was coming and couldn't be stopped because Thor would try to stop him. Because that's what heroes do.

And Thor would die.

And Loki would truly have nothing.

So that's why he was sitting all alone on the bottom floor of a dark ship filled with refugees, curled in on himself with his arms around his knees and his head hung low. Unable to face the shame, the failure, the chaos he could not control. He knew that isolating himself was dangerous. He knew he tended to act violently after being destabilized. Like after finding out his true heritage. Not a fun time.

He needed to check on Thor. The oaf could be dead or dying for all he knew. He forced himself to his feet and started searching the ship with his magic. There. Top floor. Heimdall was with him. Loki started the trek up there. He could have just teleported, he was able to do that for very short distances, but his sedir was nearly depleted. He waited until Heimdall left before slipping inside.

He found Thor examining his eye patch. He looked tired. Defeated. Miserable. Loki hated seeing him like this. Thor was supposed to be the sunshine. He was supposed to be the happiness and light and warmth that drew all around him in while simultaneously burning Loki. Loki was meant to be the broken and unstable one. Not Thor. Never Thor.

"It suits you," Loki said quietly, trying to offer any form of consolation. Thor looked up but didn't seem overly startled. Just thoughtful. There was silence in the room.

Finally, Thor turned to face him. "Maybe you're not so bad after all, brother."

"Maybe not."

There were several more seconds of silence, during which Loki watched Thor fiddle around with a glass wine-stopper. Finally, he spoke. "If you were here I might even give you a hug." He then casually chucked the wine-stopper at Loki.

Loki felt a little torn up about the fact that Thor had so little faith in him, but he knew that it was his own fault. He should have tried to explain his whole plan to Thor from the beginning. He should have just talked to Thor before the coronation instead of letting the monsters in Asgaurd. When Thor asked him what master he served during the battle of New York, Loki had wanted nothing but to tell him. But Thanos controlled his tongue. And then he was muzzled. And then imprisoned.

The God of Mischief caught the diamond mid-air, reveling in Thor's smile. Thor turned away from him momentarily, looking contemplative. Loki suddenly felt his throat constrict.

He wanted to be a better brother. He wanted to let Thor hug him. He wanted to tell Thor about everything. The horrible tortures, the mind control, the plan. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to let himself be vulnerable in front of Thor and let Thor support him. Then they would build a New Asgaurd and rule it together.

He wanted to let Thor's light envelop him. But Loki had lived in the shadow for so long and he feared the unknown. So he fled from the sun.

He felt horrible seeing how defeated Thor looked. How his brother slumped into his bed and stared at the wall before finally slipping into a deep and dreamless slumber. Loki re-entered the chamber. He went over to Thor and gently lifted the eye patch. The wound was still fresh and it looked even slightly infected. Loki used the very last of magic he had left to clean and heal Thor's wound, until nothing but a slightly scarred socket remained. Then he left.

He was halfway back to his hiding spot when he realized something was wrong. He had been so trapped in his head that he forgot his own physical health was kind of a priority. Finally arriving on the lower deck, he found some old blankets and collapsed on them. Breathing heavily, he struggled to stay conscious. It was ultimately another battle he was destined to lose.

###

When Loki finally managed to peel his eyes open again, it was the next morning. Groaning slightly, he forced himself into a sitting position. His hair was a wild mess and some of it was matted with dried blood. Peeling off his outer layer of armor revealed many more cuts and bruises. Some of the cuts had closed already or clotted but several of them were still freely flowing with blood.

With no magic left to heal himself and no energy to stand, Loki used one of his spare daggers to cut one of the blankets and tried to wrap it around the worst of the wounds. His left wrist hurt horribly, and it was hard to wrap bandages securely with one hand.

After ten minutes, Loki gave up and collapsed back among the blankets. Blood still leaked out from the poorly applied not-bandages. His head hurt. He couldn't remember what hit him or when it had happened, but his headache and the blood in his hair assured him that something had hit him at some point. Using his wrist had only made it worse and now it was badly swollen.

If he could get sleep and food, he could gain back enough energy to use magic to heal the worst of his injuries. But he had no way of acquiring food and his frantic mind would surely not lend him that much rest. Light-headed and aching, Loki lay on his back staring at the ceiling. No one would come looking for him down here among the darkness and shadows.

He didn't know how many hours he had been laying there suffering when he heard a faint noise. Footsteps. His muddled brain couldn't decipher whose. They were close but they seemed to get further away. He attempted to speak but could only make a rough whining noise. The footsteps stopped. "Loki?"

Thor. That was Thor. His big brother. The only person who would protect him.

A blond, one-eyed head popped around the corner and filled Loki's blurry vision. Thor rushed to his younger brother's side, falling to his knees and examining the dried blood that seemed to be everywhere. Why wasn't he healing?

"Oh Loki… what have you gotten yourself into now?" Thor murmured. "Why did you not let me tend to your wounds last night?" Loki didn't answer and Thor didn't expect him to. Thor reached out to examine Loki's wrist, but Loki pulled it away. He didn't want Thor's pity. He didn't want Thor's kindness. He didn't want to melt under the heat of Thor's warmth. "Loki please."

"Leave," the dark haired brother muttered.

"Loki!" Thor's voice was heavy, full of emotion. "Please, whatever I have done to you I am sorry. I didn't mean what I said about us parting ways being for the best. Especially not like this. When we were just young boys I made a promise to protect you, because I love you. Please let me keep that promise to you now."

There were tears in Loki's eyes, but whether they were from emotion or pain Thor did not know. He gently sat his brother up, cleaning and wrapping his wounds with the proper medical supplies that he had brought with him. Loki looked absolutely exhausted, with dark circles under his eyes and small scars littering his pale face. After seeing this Thor did not believe for a second that Loki was as healthy on Sakaar as he appeared to be. He must have been using a glamour.

Though his wounds were cleaned and bandaged, Loki still looked horribly unwell. Pale, far too thin, shaking, and there was still blood in his tangled hair. Ignoring Loki's grunt of protest, Thor scooped his brother up and carried him up to Thor's quarters. There he used a cloth and a comb to gently detangle and clean his hair for him. Neither of them had any hope of changing out of their bloodstained clothing for there were no other clothes on the ship.

"Why?" Loki whispered eventually. "After all that I've done to you, why are you helping me?"

"Because I don't believe you to be as horrible as you think. You have done many wrong things, yes. But I feel that there is some reason. Some greater good being served and you have yet to tell me. Yes, you've killed many people. But so has Odin. So have I. It is the way of war. First and foremost however, because you are my brother."

"But I am not."

Thor shushed him softly. "Never speak those words again in my presence brother, or I shall be very angry. Your family does not have to be your blood. Your family is who you choose to love. If you will not choose to love me, I will accept that and leave you be. But know that I will never stop loving you. You are the only family I have left."

Loki's eyes were full of tears again. "I'll tell you," he promised. "I'll tell you everything."

"Later," Thor responded, pushing his brother's shoulder and forcing the Trickster to lie down. "We have a long journey ahead of us Loki. We will have time. Rest now."

So Loki did.

###

Loki eventually told Thor everything. It took several days. Loki tried to run and hide a few times, they got distracted by planning and rationing food and serving their people. Eventually, Thor understood what Loki had actually been doing all those years. The person who had enslaved him. The person he had been running from for six years now. Thor's blood boiled. He wanted Thanos' head on a plate.

All of that brought them here, standing in front of one of the large windows of the ship and staring into the abyss of space. Finally, Loki broke the silence. "Do you really think it's a good idea to go back to Earth?"

"Yes of course. The people of Earth love me, I'm very popular," Thor responded immediately. Loki sighed.

"Let me rephrase that: do you really think it's a good idea to bring _me_ back to earth?" Loki clasped his hands in front of him, rocking forward on the balls of his feet. His mouth was in a thin line. Thor knew behind his seemingly blank expression that Loki was nervous. Nervous that Thor would send him away. It hurt that he still trusted Thor so little. But his concern was valid.

"Probably not, to be honest," Thor admitted. "But I wouldn't worry brother. I feel like everything's going to work out fine."

Before Loki could respond, a giant shadow fell upon the brothers. The shadow of a ship.

Thanos was here.

And the Asgaurdian warriors couldn't stop him.

And Thor couldn't stop him.

And the Hulk couldn't stop him.

Loki sure as hell wouldn't be able to stop him.

Loki thought he'd given up the complicated plans that took years to spin and had low success rates. He thought he was done lying to Thor. Done causing him grief.

But Loki made a plan.

He approached Thanos.

He stopped to look at Thor. "I assure you brother, the sun will shine on us again."

A promise? Or a lie?

Only time would tell.


End file.
